Disappointed By Life?: Learn To CALL

May 18th, 2011

Amy Dunbar

Everything had gone as planned and after delivery Bernie lay in bed holding her newborn baby boy. Luke was beautiful, he was perfect. But something nagged at Bernie’s heart. Something wasn’t quite right. He wouldn’t nurse like her other children did and his hands were horribly blue. She called the nurse and expressed her concern and baby Luke was taken away for observation and tests.

Can you imagine your whole world changing in a matter of moments?

Well, it did for Bernie. After running tests, a nurse returned to Bernie’s room to break the news, “You son has a heart murmur. He has hypoplastic left heart syndrome.” Bernie was alone – her husband had left for a little while and her only question was, “Is he going to make it?”

Six days after birth Luke underwent open-heart surgery where his little heart was basically reshaped. He responded well to the surgery and Bernie and her family were able to take him home. Although he was home, he still wasn’t out of the woods yet. They had to take him in weekly for tests and caring for him required an extra measure of patience that Bernie hadn’t been prepared for. And at the worst moments – the moments of hopelessness and frustration – Bernie would escape to her car where she would scream.

When Luke was five weeks old, he went for his weekly visit and nothing abnormal was detected, though he had thrown up profusely after his morning feeding. Bernie’s husband offered to feed Luke that night, and little Luke couldn’t do it. He choked and within moments the ambulance was there and they were on their way to the hospital.

After multiple interventions, the surgeons left precious Luke’s room with tear-filled eyes. He was gone. His struggle on this earth was over and he was free.

Bernie knew that – that he wa free. She knew that living would have been a constant struggle for Luke. She knew in her mind that this was best. But her heart screamed. Her heart wanted to hold him again. She ached in a way that few people could understand, and as a result some people who were close to her let her down. One disappointment gave way to many more.

Few can understand the pain a mother experiences when a child passes away, and few know what to say when that happens. Not only did Bernie hurt from the sudden loss of her son, but she experienced disappointment when some people didn’t respond the way she needed. She felt misunderstood when some belittled her grief and patted her with trite responses. And she was angry.

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Disappointment is real. You and I have conscious and subconscious expectations and when someone doesn’t fulfill our expectations, we are disappointed. Hurt … it is easy to become angry towards those people. Hurt … it is easy for relationships to change and friendships to end.

Whatever our expectations are … there are few people who can measure up. Few have the selflessness and compassion needed to respond lovingly in every situation. Few have the empathy needed to understand the grief of a mother who has lost her child. That doesn’t excuse insensitivity. It is merely stating the truth … no one can measure up!

So you’re likely thinking two things …

If no one can measure up, then why do I expect so much?
If no one can measure up, then what do I do when I am disappointed and angry?

First, you were made to expect a lot! God created you and me for relationship with Him. And in that scenario, He would always be enough. Not only would He meet our expectations, but He would exceed them. But you and I are a long way from the garden of Eden and an even longer way away from perfection.

Second, disappointment is a real emotion and can be another grub worm in your life if you let it. It can hang on, feeding on your optimism … devouring your hope … destroying your joy. But don’t let it! I’ve been there. Several years ago I went through some very difficult trials and the one person who I thought would be supportive of me wasn’t. This hurt terribly and I allowed that disappointment to feed on me as a result. Thoughts of inadequacy coupled with anger took root around my disappointment and my little grub worm started getting fat!

By God’s grace I realized that I was developing a critical and bitter spirit and God directed me to CALL on him. (This is the same as yesterday.)

Confess Hurt Feelings

Ask for truth

Lean on Him

Let Go

Please don’t hear me say that this is the answer … the one-stop, four-step process to being free from your disappointments. Just pray through these four things and voilà … you won’t struggle again. Believe me – that’s NOT what I am saying. In fact, I have had to go through this process multiple times for the same offense. You see … Satan knows my weaknesses. He knows what gets to me and how to taunt me. It is 100% like him to try to stir up old feelings of disappointment and anger that I have already given to God. When that happens, I CALL out to God. I’m not perfect and sometimes it takes me a minute, a day or even longer … but eventually I CALL.

Will you CALL out to Him?

I have stories and experiences, but He is the giver of life, the one who heals and restores. He can do what even the best self-help books can’t … He can remove the grub worms and set you free!

What about you?

Have you be disappointed by someone?

How did that affect your relationship with them?

Did you forgive them?